we have pet lesbian snakes
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
