Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
