I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
