I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
sarcasm needs its own font
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
