I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
