I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
