what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
