a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
