I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
