I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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