Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
