Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
