if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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