I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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