Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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