somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Welp...herpes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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