She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I love you. Go after that dick
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
