Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
