Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
