I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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