I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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