I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
