I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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