I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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