Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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