i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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