what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
