Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
