If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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