OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
me + whiskey = a bad person
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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