wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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