No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
