What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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