Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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