So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
