Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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