So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Terrible idea I love it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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