Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize