We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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