the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm always down for nudity.
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