Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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