sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
