He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
