Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
