I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
