The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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