Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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