I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
