Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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