How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
