You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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