So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
