her vagine was all disorganized.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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