She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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