what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
