I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
