I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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