He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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