she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
