Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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