I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was petting her beer can
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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