i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize