I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
