just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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