Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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