so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
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