I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
