I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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