shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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