Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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