just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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